So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
