i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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