Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
