she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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