call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
