I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
