I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is my gift to your gina
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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