the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
