Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
