Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
