girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
