i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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