do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
