I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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