I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
