the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
