the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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