You work out of a Hotel?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
