You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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