party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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