My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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