All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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