don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
