Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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