There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
