I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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