I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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