That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
