the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
