There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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