Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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