I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
