You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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