you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
