I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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