I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
