I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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