I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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