i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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