it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
