Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
