ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
