Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think a kid would responsible me up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
