No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
