We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
