I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
