lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
