haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How naked do you want me to be?
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