I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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