Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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