Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
