Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize