How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did i walk over a car last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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