i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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