oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
