that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
