sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
