This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
