the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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