i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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