apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize