It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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